Living with his parents, Ernie is interrupted from the already minimal make out his date Audrey enabled him. Looking for closure in an adult theater, he notices a man being handled by a woman in the next seat. When the man leaves, Ernie tries trading places, causing the woman to scream. Trying something similar in a strip club gets him thrown out. A prostitute then robs him, turning out to be cross-dresser. Having enough, Ernie buys a pickup guide that encourages buying and maintaining a bachelor pad. With his old landlady peeping, Ernie invites co-worker Cynthia. Not telling Ernie she's married, her husband soon breaks in and gets her for himself. Dating Marsha, Ernie barely finds a way to stop her chatterbox. Dating Monica, nothing pleases her except the actual sex. While Ernie hangs in a singles bar, his father brings over his secretary mistress. They hide when Ernie's sister Victoria brings over Ralph. They too hide when Sheila and her girlfriend accompany Ernie from the bar. Their rough treatment of Ernie causes his mother to rush over with the police, catching her husband as well as her daughter. With everybody out, Ernie's neighbor Missy, who he fantasized about, admits being the stranger who gave him dirty phone calls.